ICS Daily Devotions
The Power of Communication
James 1:22-25 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
We cannot resolve conflict well if we do not know how to communicate and listen carefully. Communication is the process of sharing yourself, both verbally and nonverbally in such a way that the other person can both accept and understand what you are sharing. Honestly, our body language and tone of voice can be very intimidating. We might not be aware of it because it is a blind spot. For example, the Apostle Paul withstood the Apostle Peter to the face when he learned that Peter didn’t challenge the Judaizers for the wrong teaching. It was a strong confrontation because Paul is known to be strong in personality. On the other hand, we might be hearing someone’s communication but we are not listening because we already know what we want to say or reply the person!
What do we mean by listening? When we are truly listening to another person, we are not thinking about what we are going to say when he or she stops talking. We are not busy formulating our response. We are concentrating on what is being said. Listening is also complete acceptance without judgment of what is said or how it is said. We often fail to hear the message because we don’t like the message or the tone of voice. We react and miss the meaning of what was being shared.
Not everyone is good in communicating clearly and effectively. There will be a tendency to miss out something which might be critical in resolving the whole conflict. Some people are very detailed in our communication which will include the process and rational behind the decisions made. There are others who communicate facts and final results only. They forget the whole process, rationale and the reasons. Beside communicating the content, our tone and body language are also sending out signals to the receiving party. All these could effectively put the person in a defensive, aggressive or relax mode in a conversation.
The communication becomes especially crucial in a relationship between two people. We need to learn to die to self and allow the Holy Spirit to empower us. It is normal to have conflict in the marriage but it is how we resolve it that will build us and strengthen the marriage. We are not perfect, therefore we might choose to walk in the flesh rather than yield to the Holy Spirit. People failed to realize that each partner in marriage brings into the relationship years of mental, emotional, and spiritual baggage. These baggages caused us to build up stronghold in our minds regarding how to react, defend, or even attack a person because of our preconceived ideas. Thus it blurs our judgment at times.
Rather than facing their problem together and working to salvage their relationships, couples are taking the easy way out by getting a divorce. In the process, hearts are being broken, children are affected emotionally because they do not have the ability to articulate their struggles and stress within them, homes are being destroyed, and the collateral damage is rippling out into society as a whole. The best solution to handle conflict is to extend grace to one another to overlook a problem!
If we need to confront then we should do it in love and it is equally important to learn when not to confront. We need to extend grace, give time for the person to change and walk in love rather than constantly confrontation in a marriage’s covenant relationship. When there are too many confrontations, then it will soon get worn out, and you lose the joy in the relationship. Confrontation should only be done so that it enhances the relationship.
Conflict can break a marriage but if it is handled properly or correctly then it can enrich and strengthen the marriage. We need time to deal with the conflict peacably or else we will move into a silent retreat to our neutral corner. Let us not only be hearers of the word but doers. Listen to the other person carefully, communicate clearly, and ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom if you have a disagreement. Approach each other gently with a mutual trust and the Lord will help you find solution.
Sermon Series: Before You Say I Do
