ICS Daily Devotions
The Little Foxes Can Spoil The Vine
Song of Solomon 2:15 Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes.
There are many roles and responsibilities the married couple need to work on. Who will cook? Who will make the laundry? Who will prepare breakfest for the children? All these seem to be very trivial but truly it is the little foxes that spoil the vine.
Imagine two different personalities in the marriage, one is a dominant and the other is a detailed person. The dominant person is always fearful of being taken advantage and the detailed person is fearful or resentful of criticism. They quarrel over who throws out the trash and nobody wants to do it because they are too tired after work. The detailed person who is meticulous, calculative, love cleanliness and critical may ask the dominant husband to clear the trash. He does it once or twice but if he keeps doing it then he feels being taken advantage of. He criticizes her for being picky and being a perfectionist. She resents his criticism and gets angry. They habor the taking advantage thought and the over perfectionist attitude. They may eventially decide to divorce and it all started over who throws the trash!
This is not how it should be. Marriage is servant leadership and the couple is one flesh. What we want others to do unto us depends on what we do unto others. Hence, be kind, appreciative and generous with praise. Walk the extra mile and don’t be calculative especially when the spouse is not well or tired. The two are one flesh!
Failure to clarify the roles in a relationship between the husband and wife has caused major marital disruption. There will be endless number of activities and responsibilities as a couple. We can assume that we know what role to play.
However, it is even more confusing in a society with gender confusion demanding gender equality. Each couple should discuss who is more competent to do the task.They should establish their own style of working together.
We should not blindly take example from our parents. Some practices may be based on their home background or tradition or what the church has taught. What seems to be a cultural norm to them may not work for you. It is important to look into the individual abilities, training, and temperament. The couple should deliberately and mutually develop rules, and guidelines as husband and wife so that it will not be a chaotic mess.
Who takes the role of being the bread winner for the family? Traditionally it has been the men who have worked hard to bring back provision for the family. However, in the current situation it may be the wife who is having a better and stable job that provides for the family. On the other hand, is this acceptable to the husband? It is something that the husband has to deal with whether his identity is able to accept it. It may not be easy to have the identity for man and woman to be known as a trailing spouse. However, if they love another and God is in their midst, the roles can be defined and the marriage will be made prosperous.
Sermon series: Before You Say I Do
