Effective Communication
ICS Daily Devotions
James 1:19-21 (NKJV) So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
One of the key ingredients of a successful marriage besides having God in the centre of our lives is communication. Many marriages break down because of breakdown in communication or the lack thereof.
- Communication is the process of sharing your- self, both verbally and nonverbally, in such a way that the other person can both accept and understand what you are sharing. Clear, concise, and timely communication is key to preventing misunderstanding. We also need to be aware of and guard against these four common types of miscommunications:
- Placating: This person is a “yes man” or “yes woman” who is eager to please and apologetic. They will say things like “Whatever you want” or “Never mind about me”. They want to keep the price at any cost. The price they pay is the feeling of worthlessness. They hold their feelings inside and have difficulty expressing anger. They are prone to depression and illness.
- Blaming: This person is a faultfinder who criticises relentlessly and speaks in generalisations. Some of their favourite phrases are: “You will never do anything right” and “You are just like so-and-so”. Blamers feel unworthy or unlovable, angry with the anticipation that they never get what they want. Given a problem, blamers feel the best defence is a good offense because they are incapable of dealing with or expressing pain or fear. Blamers need to speak.
- Computing: This person is super-reasonable, stays calm, and collected, never admits mistakes, and expects people to conform and perform. The computer says things like “Upset? I am not upset. Why do you say I am upset?” Afraid of emotion, they prefer facts and statistics. “I don’t reveal my emotions, and I am not interested in anyone else’s”. Computers need someone to ask how they feel about specific things.
- Distracting: The distractor resorts to irrelevances under stress, avoiding eye contact and direct answers. Quick to change the subject, they will say, “What problem? Let’s go shopping.” Confronting the problem might lead to a fight, which could be dangerous. Distractors need to know that they are safe, not helpless, and that problems can be solved, and conflicts resolved.
The next time you find yourself doing the above, remember that you are probably feeling hurt or stressed out about something. Also, if your spouse is resorting to one of these styles, you can ease their tension by being sensitive to the root of it, and find a safe way for both parties to talk. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Therefore, we need to lay down a solid foundation for effective communication.
Sermon Series: Before You Say I Do
