ICS Daily Devotions
Agape Love Begins At Home
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Jesus is asking us to love our spouse with Agape love, which is unconditional, as He Himself loves the church. The reason why many marriages break down is because they have been built on Phileo love, which is conditional.
Agape love is the undefeatable benevolence and unconquerable goodwill that always seek the highest good of the other person, no matter what they do. It gives freely without asking for anything in return and does not consider the object’s worth. It is a love by choice. In the context of marriage, it is an intentional kind of love that ensures the other person feels loved based on their love languages. This may be spending quality time with them by making time and giving them undivided attention, or giving words of affirmation to edify them by speaking of all the goodness found in them. It may be acts of service, which includes clarifying what your roles, responsibilities, and the expectations towards you are, and proactively working at them so as to minimise the stress points in the relationship.
For fathers, it is taking up that role seriously and refusing to be an “absent dad”. It may include offering help whenever there is a need even if it may fall outside your role and responsibilities. It may be buying gifts periodically and remembering special occasions and important dates. That’s God’s kind of love where He gave His only Son for us and placed the Holy Spirit within us, which is unlimited quality time.
Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV) And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Parents also need to make sure that they are loving their children with Agape love and not Phileo love. We need to be careful not to favour those who are more gifted academically. By being impatient with those who need more time to learn and favouring their siblings, they will feel the spoken and unspoken rejection, because parents’ body language and the facial expression speak just as much. It will only further damage their self-confidence and possibly lead to depressions or self-harm to numb the pain. Both parents need to take time to ensure that their children understand and feel that they are loved unconditionally, not just by telling them but with corresponding action.
A foundation laid well in the formative years will earn parents the right to speak into their lives later. Parents should also find time to discover their children’s love languages and let them know that their feelings matter to them. A strong foundation of unconditional love will help children to appreciate the discipline and rebuke they receive and not rebel in the teenage years, but if we keep correcting, rebuking them and removing their privileges without first developing the foundation of unconditional love, they are likely to rebel because they do not feel loved.
Sermon Series: How to love?
