ICS Daily Devotions
Celebrate Your Differences
John 13:34 (NKJV) A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
We are often attracted to people whose personalities are different from ours, but if we don’t appreciate and manage our differences constructively, they can be hazardous to our relationships.
Consider, for example, someone who releases stress through talking, who is married to someone who releases stress through resting or sleeping. Because they release stress differently, they can each be easily misunderstood by the other person. Their different personalities can either be a source of strength or of strain in their relationship, but once they adjust to and appreciate their differences, they can be a strong couple.
It is easy to turn a blind eye to personal differences while courting, but they will become a challenge when reality sets in that you will have to live with the other person for the rest of your life. If we don’t adjust to them, what typically follows is that once we are tired of the differences, we may pressure the other person to change. We must not enter into a marriage thinking that we can change our spouse; we can’t change them unless they also want to change. But we can learn to appreciate the differences. Once your perspective towards the other person changes, you will be able to celebrate, welcome and delight in the differences, and it will help your marriage grow.
It is important to be honest with each other. While courting, discuss the differences between you; which of them are you currently accommodating, tolerating, overlooking, or avoiding conflict in? And even if you are already married, it may still be helpful to go through this exercise together; an open discussion may prevent you from thinking that you have married the wrong person.
The oneness in marriage does not mean similarity or sameness in matters relating to ideas or feelings; it is a oneness of understanding. Can you imagine two people, both of whom don’t like to talk, in a relationship? You would think that there is never anybody at home! Therefore, it is good to have different personalities, but we need to learn to manage differences.
Besides the fruit of the Holy Spirit, these eight traits are helpful for attaining an enriched relationship:
1. Adaptability and flexibility.
2. Empathy—being sensitive to the needs, hurts and desires of others, feeling with them from their perspective.
3. Ability to work through problems.
4. Ability to give and receive love.
5. Emotional stability—being able to control one’s own emotions.
6. Communication skills.
7. Similarities/common interests between the couple.
Sermon Series: Pastor, I Have Questions For You
