ICS Daily Devotions
Why Don’t My Relationships Last?
Do you know someone whose romantic relationships are always short-lived? Are you one of them?
There are many contributing factors to a failed relationship. One party may not be ready for marriage and calls it quits when the relationship starts to get serious. Or perhaps there’s a general sense of dissatisfaction with the other person, a difference in values and priorities or a personality clash. It is not too late to part ways if you realize during pre-marital counselling that the other person’s values and principles do not align with yours, but it would be advisable not to wait until then. Instead, you should try to find out earlier what the other person’s views are on important issues.
Another contributing factor is not knowing how to handle and resolve conflicts; once we know how to manage conflicts, we would be better prepared for marriage. Individualism—not wanting to give in to one another—is also a common problem. Insisting on our perceived rights, privileges and entitlements is a destroyer of relationships and should not be carried into a marriage. Marriage is a covenant and not a contract, and unchecked individualism is destructive.
Matthew 7:3-4 (NJKV) And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?
Luke (NKJV) 6:31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.
Being habitually critical of others is harmful. We need to learn to be kind, gracious and forgiving towards our partner if we would like it reciprocated. Because all of us are imperfect, with flaws and weaknesses, it is important to extend grace, mercy, kindness, goodness and love, otherwise, we will devour each other with our words and actions. And that would be a poor Christian witness.
Finally, we are often attracted to people whose personalities differ from ours. But if we do not appreciate and manage our differences constructively, they can become hazardous to our relationships. That is why many divorces cite personality differences as the reason for their break up. However, this should not be the case for Christians. Believers have redeemed personalities and with the help of the Holy Spirit, we should seek to work through our differences. We are God’s new creation, with His nature indwelling us, bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit and having the ability to yield to His leading. Nevertheless, we need to remember that we cannot change other people; only God can, through the work of the Holy Spirit. And we need to be patient, as change can take time.
Sermon Series: Pastor, I Have Questions For You
