Discuss and Set Expectations
ICS Daily Devotions
Ephesians 5:23 (Amplified) For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Saviour of the body.
God’s plan for marriage is a covenant based on His covenant with us. Therefore, a Christian couple must agree on their definition of marriage being a covenant instead of a contract. The Christian marriage must also be founded on the three kinds of love. The couple will first be the best of friends¾ Philia love. They will love each other with God’s Agape love, an unconditional love. Finally, they will culminate in Eros love, being romantic with each other, and being attracted to each other intimately. Phila and Eros love do not make a strong foundation because these two kinds of love are conditional; Agape love is needed.
Husbands should take the role of spiritual leadership of the household and spearhead the marriage. When this principle is understood by a couple, the wife will expect her husband to love God and her and lead the family with God’s values and principles. She will also expect him to honour the marriage covenant by loving her with the three kinds of love.
A husband should initiate the discussion of important topics with his wife and let her know that her perspectives and expectations matter to him. He is essentially saying that his wife’s feelings of being loved, secure and grounded are all important to him—it is love in action. When plans to have children are discussed, the husband can safely communicate his expectations to his wife regarding who will look after their kids. This major decision should be made and agreed upon based on the values and principles they hold on to before marriage rather than waiting until the baby arrives to avoid straining and potentially breaking the marriage.
Titus 2:4-5 (NKJV) that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
The couple also needs to discuss how important they see the bonding between mother and child, and agree that they, as parents, should take upon themselves the responsibility to inculcate the right values and train the children’s character, especially during their formative years, rather than letting the child grow up with the values of the in-laws or caregiver. This way, the wife will not feel trapped, upset, irritated, put down, or even bitter by having to sacrifice by staying home to look after the children during the formative years of their lives.
Conflicts in marriages often stem from unspoken or unrealistic expectations. Therefore, it is crucial for couples to engage in open discussion and set realistic expectations. This will significantly reduce the potential for conflict arising from unmet expectations.
Sermon Series：Before You Say “I Do”
