Love and Marriage
ICS Daily Devotions
Ephesians 5:25 (Amplified) Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her
Understanding the different types of love is crucial in building a strong marriage. According to the book, Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts, there are three distinct kinds of love. Philia is a friendship-type love which is built on companionship, communication, and cooperation. Eros is a romantic and sensual love that seeks sensual expression and is inspired by the biological structure of human nature. In a healthy marriage, the husband and wife will love each other romantically and erotically. Agape is a self-giving love, a gift love that goes on loving even when the other becomes unlovable.
If we build a marriage based on Philia and Eros love only, the foundation will not be solid. This is because Philia love is conditional, meaning “if you love me, I will love you”. Neither should a marriage be built solely on Eros love because it is impulsive and highly conditional. We are a three-part being, namely body, soul and spirit. Both romantic and friendship love are found in the area of the soul, which comprises our emotional and physical senses. Both will fade when our personal interests, criteria, conditions, limitations, and rights are violated. When we no longer feel loved or want to love, it will lead to the failure of the marriage. When couples say they don’t feel like they love their spouse any more, their marriage is most likely built on Philia and Eros love.
Agape love is not a passive experience but a choice we actively make. It’s a personal commitment, a love that mirrors Christ’s sacrificial, unconditional, eternal, and kind love for us. It’s a love that is considerate, thoughtful, and responsive to the needs of our loved ones. Agape is about contentment and forgiveness. It’s a love that is inherent in us as believers, a love encompassing God’s nature.
It is crucial that you and your spouse agree on whether you view marriage as a conditional contract or a lasting covenant. Open and honest discussions about your expectations with your spouse are essential. This will influence how you love and respond to them, particularly during challenging times.
Ephesians 5:31 (Amplified) For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
Sermon Series： Before You Say “I Do”
